I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Quick, to the slutcave!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
