Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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