Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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