Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Say something about gay babies.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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