last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
