It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
