Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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