hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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