I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
