i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
