morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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