the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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