I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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