jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
