i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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