so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
