I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
