What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
