Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
