the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
