Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
