lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
