ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
