mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
