My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize