i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
