Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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