I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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