I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
