So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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