the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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