Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
