I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
