I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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