The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
