I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
