I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
