That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize