I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
