called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
