It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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