If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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