The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
