I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
