How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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