Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
