i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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