there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
