so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
