Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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