Apparently you make a good broom.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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