I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
