My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
