paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize