In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
