Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
