Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
