Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
