Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wear drunk well.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
