Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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