just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
