It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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