HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
