I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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