Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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