dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
