But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
