YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
