There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
