Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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