i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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