Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
