lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
