She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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