This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
