I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
