Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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