i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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