How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
